The biggest problem long-distance spouses often face is
how
to keep emotional intimacy alive when they are
separated.
If you are in a long-distance marriage, you are probably
already using email and the telephone as much as possible
to stay in touch. But what else can you do to stay
connected with your partner and not lose that special bond
between you?
One suggestion is to take the extra time to also send
"snail
mail" greeting cards, letters, and postcards when
possible.
Buy an assortment of cards when you have a chance, and
that
will make it easier to send out one or two cards each
week.
Vary the type of cards that you send--some romantic,
some
funny. You could also send postcards to add variety and
show scenes of the geographic area where you are
working.
In your letters and emails, don't only talk about what
activities you've been involved in, but be sure to share
your feelings about what's going on in your life. Ask
feeling-related questions, such as "Do you ever worry that
one day we'll have been married 20 years and we'll discover
that we don't really know each other?" Also share memories
and experiences from childhood and the years before you
met.
Write your spouse a letter telling her (or him)what you
love about her,what attracted you to her, what you admire
about her, and why you want to stay married to her. Before
you send it to her, make a copy for yourself and read it
once a day to remind
yourself of all the positives about your spouse. Ask her to
do
the same for you.
Look for ways to create reminders that will trigger
thoughts of
each other when you're apart. For example, you might
consider naming a star for your spouse at the International
Star Registry (www.starregistry.com). Then, each starry
night, you will both feel connected as you look for "your
star."
You might come up with some other symbols to trigger
your
thoughts, such as agreeing to think of each other every
time
you see a certain type of bird. Or pick a car with
special
meaning and think of each other every time you see a
red
Camaro, for example. Perhaps you will both agree to listen
to
a certain song on a CD before you go to sleep each
night,
knowing the other person is doing the same thing.
Brainstorm about ways you can feel connected even
when
you're not talking on the phone or emailing each other.
Mail
your husband (or wife) a tape of yourself reading a love
poem or sweet letter you have written to him. Send small
surprise gifts when you can. They don't have to be
expensive; they just need to show that you're thinking of
him.
You could order gifts of gourmet candy, nuts,
popcorn,
flowers, or other items from the Internet. Or you could
give a
magazine subscription to your spouse so she (or he) will
think of you each time the publication arrives. Another
idea is to send her a new CD that you think she'll like or
a paperback book.
Consider creating your own web site where you can
post
photos you both take with a digital camera. The pictures
could
show scenes from your life apart and also pictures from
the
times you are together. Over time, this would document
your
history as well as your current life as a couple. One site
that
provides free web hosting for family web sites is
www.myfamily.com.
Other ideas include having a print shop like Kinko's put
a
photograph of you and your spouse on coffee mugs, or having
a
photograph put on a T-shirt or sweatshirt for each of you.
If
you have some common interests in reading or listening
to
audio books, pick a book to read or listen to at the same
time
and then discuss it as you go along.
Put on your creative thinking cap and experiment to see
what
works best for the two of you. By using your imagination,
you
can deepen your emotional connection with your spouse,
even
though you're physically separated by thousands of
miles.
